Right! Tickets are printed, passports are packed, insurance is covered, what else? Oh God the packing! What do I need? How long am I going for? What if I forget something? What if what I bring isn’t ‘nice’ enough? What if people think I look ridiculous? What if my luggage is lost, and then I have nothing? What will people think then?
Going on holiday with friends or family can be the things dreams are made of for some, for others it brings nervousness, fear, jitters, over-organisation to the point of obsession, breathlessness at the thoughts of the days passing and the time running close….. panic! I know I want to go away with my friends, I don’t want to miss out, but really, is this worth it?
This question fades into the background as the friends’ WhatsApp group lights up with excitement. I go along with it for them, and in small part for me. After all, what will they think if I back out now?
Beach days and club nights, evenings in crowded restaurants with chimes of laughter from people throwing all caution to the wind as they allow themselves to unwind and enjoy this free, unscheduled, untethered time that they have worked so hard for all year.
The sun is shining, and everyone is laughing, but my heart races as I approach the crowded shoreline. The thought of strangers watching me in my swimsuit makes my palms sweat. I hesitate, gripping my towel tightly, while my friends call me to join them.
A vendor walks by, offering drinks, and I panic—should I smile? Say no? What if I stutter? I mumble a refusal through dry mouth, while my heart beats ferociously in my chest, and stare at the sand, hoping no one notices my discomfort. All I want is to retreat to my quiet hotel room, where the walls don’t stare and the air doesn’t feel so heavy.
The Holiday Triggers
Holidays are often portrayed as a time of joy, adventure, and freedom. However, for those who suffer from social anxiety disorder, these periods can become a source of extreme distress. Social anxiety disorder is a condition that is characterised by an intense fear of social situations where one may be scrutinised or judged. It can significantly disrupt one’s perception of the holiday experience and railroad what should be a carefree, relaxing time.
The thoughts of mingling with strangers and striking up meaningless conversation in the form of small talk can be enough to drive one with social anxiety over the edge of panic.
Impact on Mental Health
The anxiety experienced during holidays can have a profound impact on mental health. It can lead to excessive self – consciousness and worry for days, weeks, or even months before an upcoming social event. People with social anxiety may constantly ruminate on potential embarrassing situations, which can disrupt their sleep and daily functioning. Emotional symptoms such as intense fear of being judged, fear of acting in an embarrassing way, and the belief that others will notice their nervousness can be overwhelming.
Physically, social anxiety can manifest as red face, shortness of breath, upset stomach, trembling, racing heart, sweating, and feeling dizzy or faint. These physical symptoms can further exacerbate the anxiety, creating a vicious cycle. For instance, if someone starts to blush or shake during a social interaction, they may become more self – conscious, leading to increased anxiety and more severe physical symptoms.
Coping Strategies
There are several evidence – based strategies that can help individuals with social anxiety cope during their holidays. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) has been shown to be effective in treating social anxiety disorder. CBT involves challenging negative thoughts and beliefs that contribute to anxiety. For example, if a person with social anxiety believes that they will look like a fool in a swimsuit on the beach, they can learn to analyse and challenge this thought by asking themselves if they really know for sure that this will happen. By addressing the evidence-base, black and white facts, behind the negative, self-deprecating thought, one can offer themselves an opportunity to interrupt it and then challenge it with the counter-evidence. What is the evidence to say that this thought is NOT true? What would I tell my friend? What can I think differently?
CBT targets the thought that leads to the emotion, therefore, if the emotion is anxiety or panic, one needs to identify what the specific thought is and then work to challenge it and offer a more realistic alternative.
Another strategy is to focus on the present moment. Instead of worrying about what others might think of you, focus on the experience itself. Notice the beautiful scenery, the delicious food, or the fun activities. By being present, you can distract yourself from your anxiety and enjoy the holiday. This can help to move the focus from inward to outward. Studies show that people with social anxiety are hyper-aware of how they’re being perceived by others.
Kindly uttering the words to oneself, what people think of me is none of my business (Anthony Hopkins’ words, not mine!) will offer a shutdown mechanism in detaching from the internalised (mis)interpretation of others’ thoughts/voices that might live rent-free in your head.
Learning to control breathing is also crucial. When anxious, people tend to breathe quickly, which can lead to more physical symptoms of anxiety. Practising slow, deep breathing exercises can help bring the physical symptoms under control. A really lovely one to remember is the 7/11 breathing; this is where you breathe in slowly through the nose all the way to the belly while counting to 7, and exhale slowly whilst counting to 11. The exhale is longer than the inhale to slow the nervous system right down and help to regulate the adrenaline and cortisol (stress hormones) release.
Facing fears is an important step in overcoming social anxiety. Instead of avoiding holiday social events, individuals can gradually expose themselves to these situations. For example, they can start by attending a small family gathering and then work their way up to larger parties and holidays. Engaging gradually with social situations helps in ‘expanding the muscles’ of communication and socialising. Literally every time that we do something uncomfortable to us, our brain learns from it; in other words, it won’t be uncomfortable forever!
Social anxiety on holiday doesn’t mean you can’t have a great time. It’s about finding your own rhythm, taking things at your own pace, and giving yourself permission to step back when you need to. With a little patience and self-kindness, you can turn those anxiety-filled moments into memories of personal growth and fun.
Katrina Dennehy, MSc Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Programme Leader